Spring Break
Alphabiotics: Sorry guys, it's a cult!
Aaron Sakulich
Issue date: 6/8/07 Section: Ed-Op
Again in layman's terms, this means that in an attempt to achieve spiritual enlightenment, he fondled a person's head until their brain stopped working. Pair this tale with a line from the Alphabiotics Web site referring to the process that they use: "It's done to tiny babies, often when they are asleep, without waking them." I don't have any babies. Not that I know of, anyway. I do, however, have the basic knowledge that one should not fondle the soft, squishy heads of babies as they sleep. Damn.
The words of Alphabioticists are like the index of a psychology textbook. We find such New Age favorites as:
Delusions of Grandeur: "Alphabiotics is the most scientific and effective helping system on the planet today," "An Alphabioticist does something that few others are capable of doing," "Alphabiotic researchers… are at the cutting-edge in having developed an effective, thoroughly proven answer to this serious problem," and "Not everyone is ready to receive the benefits Alphabiotics has to offer" are my personal favorites.
Paranoia: "Alphabioticists have been legally attacked by chiropractors over 20 times in the last 30 years," "Chiropractic scam artists, who could not do the Alphabiotic Process properly if their lives depended on it, are around who teach a bastardized, extremely dangerous, and totally wrong version of the Alphabiotic Process," and "In fact, it's probably disinformation, misinformation or propaganda - put there by persons who are not friends of Alphabiotics" get the flavor across nicely.
Pseudoscientific ramblings: "Alphabioticists see this inner Presence as being infinitely wise and purposeful and recognize that it is an expression of a greater Unified-Field, called God. Alphabiotics is grounded in quantum mechanics, relativity physics, and a spiritual theology" should be sufficient to kill any actual scientist that reads it. God is quantum mechanics? Pfft, I say.
Cosmic Identity (the final stage of Paranoia): "[world peace] will involve a world wide awakening and Alphabiotics will be a vital factor in this positive change," and the previous whatnot about a Alphabiotic church get the idea across.
So what does this all mean? Well, in their investigations, the Committee of Chiropractic Quality Assurance in Washington State determined that "Alphabiotic treatments are indistinguishable from chiropractics." That's all this boils down to - a handful of chiropractors that want to be the saviors of the spiritual health of mankind. I'm all for having pride in what you do, but wow.
The Alphabiotics Web site says it best: "Unfortunately, anyone can put anything on the internet they want or tell any lie they want. You must be careful. Use your intelligence and common sense." Amen and Alleluia brother, you're preaching to the choir.
Be seeing you.
Aaron Sakulich is a graduate student studying engineering and materials science. He can be reached through ed-op@thetriangle.org.
The words of Alphabioticists are like the index of a psychology textbook. We find such New Age favorites as:
Delusions of Grandeur: "Alphabiotics is the most scientific and effective helping system on the planet today," "An Alphabioticist does something that few others are capable of doing," "Alphabiotic researchers… are at the cutting-edge in having developed an effective, thoroughly proven answer to this serious problem," and "Not everyone is ready to receive the benefits Alphabiotics has to offer" are my personal favorites.
Paranoia: "Alphabioticists have been legally attacked by chiropractors over 20 times in the last 30 years," "Chiropractic scam artists, who could not do the Alphabiotic Process properly if their lives depended on it, are around who teach a bastardized, extremely dangerous, and totally wrong version of the Alphabiotic Process," and "In fact, it's probably disinformation, misinformation or propaganda - put there by persons who are not friends of Alphabiotics" get the flavor across nicely.
Pseudoscientific ramblings: "Alphabioticists see this inner Presence as being infinitely wise and purposeful and recognize that it is an expression of a greater Unified-Field, called God. Alphabiotics is grounded in quantum mechanics, relativity physics, and a spiritual theology" should be sufficient to kill any actual scientist that reads it. God is quantum mechanics? Pfft, I say.
Cosmic Identity (the final stage of Paranoia): "[world peace] will involve a world wide awakening and Alphabiotics will be a vital factor in this positive change," and the previous whatnot about a Alphabiotic church get the idea across.
So what does this all mean? Well, in their investigations, the Committee of Chiropractic Quality Assurance in Washington State determined that "Alphabiotic treatments are indistinguishable from chiropractics." That's all this boils down to - a handful of chiropractors that want to be the saviors of the spiritual health of mankind. I'm all for having pride in what you do, but wow.
The Alphabiotics Web site says it best: "Unfortunately, anyone can put anything on the internet they want or tell any lie they want. You must be careful. Use your intelligence and common sense." Amen and Alleluia brother, you're preaching to the choir.
Be seeing you.
Aaron Sakulich is a graduate student studying engineering and materials science. He can be reached through ed-op@thetriangle.org.
Viewing Comments 1 - 10 of 23
James Lightfield
posted 6/08/07 @ 6:06 AM EST
You purposefully started your article with a sophomoric dig at Scientology.
What you reference is a nasty piece of hatred you wrote in The Triangle. (Continued…)
Artoo45
posted 6/08/07 @ 2:51 PM EST
What a fine and funny article. Good use of logic, wit and sarcasm. That trinity is garlic for the cult true believer (cue hissing sound). No wonder you got ol' Jimmy Lightfloss Boy Apologist™ to pop out of the ether to defend Elron's money machine (despite the fact that this article was about a competitor of theirs). (Continued…)
Aleksey Tsalolikhin
posted 6/08/07 @ 10:40 PM EST
The aims of Scientology are a civilization without criminals, insanity and war. Do you really want to get in the way of that? Find out what Scientology really is. (Continued…)
JeraldR
posted 6/15/07 @ 5:35 PM EST
A rebuttal article James? More a letter to the editor than a article. And just what does the link you post have to do with anything? You leave out the fact the link is a scientology link that shows a very edited clip. (Continued…)
Tris Brown
posted 7/16/07 @ 12:23 PM EST
I thought I?d write a reply to your post, I don?t usually do this sort of thing but when someone takes a swipe at my profession it usually catches my attention. (Continued…)
NancyA
posted 7/17/07 @ 1:04 PM EST
Aaron,
Does your criticsm of Alphabiotics stem from the experience of having one or more treatments?
Neal Robert Smookler
posted 7/29/07 @ 9:23 PM EST
It's seems so silly. One simply mentions the word spirituality or higher consciousness and people (Aaron) immediately assume a secret society, cult or worse?
I have been around developmental alphabiotics for a decade and a half and to even suggest that it's a cult is so misguided. (Continued…)
Neal Robert Smookler
posted 8/04/07 @ 4:19 PM EST
As a corollary, I feel the gateway to greater knowledge is through the experience. I think when anything new comes on the scene, especially something that really delivers - yet is so incomprehensibly simple; it tends to meet with resistance. (Continued…)
Dallas
posted 11/09/07 @ 1:26 PM EST
Your article was very entertaining. I actually go see Michael Chrane in Dallas to get realigned whenever my hips or legs get out of balance from exercising or basic everyday wear and tear on the body. (Continued…)
Nancy C.
posted 11/15/07 @ 3:22 PM EST
As someone who has enjoyed alphabiotic alignments from Neal Smookler in Boston for several years, I feel compelled to correct Aaron Sakulich's ridiculous assertion that Alphabiotics is a cult, a religion, or a "creepy way of life". (Continued…)
Post a Comment