Spring Break
Alphabiotics: Sorry guys, it's a cult!
Aaron Sakulich
Issue date: 6/8/07 Section: Ed-Op
Apparently, this is done the first time just to test how long you can hold the Alphabiotic state. The average person can expect heightened senses, physical well-being and deeper spiritual connection to the universe for between 72 and 75 hours.
I know what you're thinking: where do I sign up? Sadly, comrades, you can't just go and get Alphabiotic treatment. You've got to be a member of the International Alphabiotic Association. One of the mission statement goals is, apparently, to achieve world peace by performing Alphabiotics on everyone, but there it is - you've got to pay to play. Remember, it's not a treatment; it's a way of life.
Yet the more I read about it, the more it seems that it's not a way of life, but a really creepy way of life. Despite the Web site's reassurance that Alphabiotics is not a cult, Alphabioticist John Brown testified to the Washington state Court of Appeals that Alphabiotics are "a sacrament of the Alphabiotic Church, of which… [he] is a priest."
According to the dictionary, there are five cult requirements: formal religious veneration (check), a system of belief and ritual (check), beliefs considered by the mainstream to be unorthodox or spurious (check), a system for the cure of disease (check) and adherence to a person, idea, object or movement (check.) Alphabioticists, I'm sorry, but if you don't want to be considered a cult, either stop ordaining Alphabiotic priests or take the argument up with the folks over yonder at Merriam Webster.
Now, being a cult isn't necessarily a bad thing. In general usage, the word implies a certain abuse of members of the group. Surely Alphabiotics, so intent on healing and improving, would be beyond such accusations? No. The previously mentioned John Brown was testifying to the Court of Appeals in an attempt to get his chiropractic license back. He lost it in part because the Commission of Chiropractic Quality Assurance determined that "certain techniques he used are associated with risk of stroke. It also concluded that his failure to warn of the risk of stroke - and an inadequate response when one of his patients suffered a stroke during an adjustment - were below the state standard of care required for chiropractors."
I know what you're thinking: where do I sign up? Sadly, comrades, you can't just go and get Alphabiotic treatment. You've got to be a member of the International Alphabiotic Association. One of the mission statement goals is, apparently, to achieve world peace by performing Alphabiotics on everyone, but there it is - you've got to pay to play. Remember, it's not a treatment; it's a way of life.
Yet the more I read about it, the more it seems that it's not a way of life, but a really creepy way of life. Despite the Web site's reassurance that Alphabiotics is not a cult, Alphabioticist John Brown testified to the Washington state Court of Appeals that Alphabiotics are "a sacrament of the Alphabiotic Church, of which… [he] is a priest."
According to the dictionary, there are five cult requirements: formal religious veneration (check), a system of belief and ritual (check), beliefs considered by the mainstream to be unorthodox or spurious (check), a system for the cure of disease (check) and adherence to a person, idea, object or movement (check.) Alphabioticists, I'm sorry, but if you don't want to be considered a cult, either stop ordaining Alphabiotic priests or take the argument up with the folks over yonder at Merriam Webster.
Now, being a cult isn't necessarily a bad thing. In general usage, the word implies a certain abuse of members of the group. Surely Alphabiotics, so intent on healing and improving, would be beyond such accusations? No. The previously mentioned John Brown was testifying to the Court of Appeals in an attempt to get his chiropractic license back. He lost it in part because the Commission of Chiropractic Quality Assurance determined that "certain techniques he used are associated with risk of stroke. It also concluded that his failure to warn of the risk of stroke - and an inadequate response when one of his patients suffered a stroke during an adjustment - were below the state standard of care required for chiropractors."
Viewing Comments 1 - 10 of 23
James Lightfield
posted 6/08/07 @ 6:06 AM EST
You purposefully started your article with a sophomoric dig at Scientology.
What you reference is a nasty piece of hatred you wrote in The Triangle. (Continued…)
Artoo45
posted 6/08/07 @ 2:51 PM EST
What a fine and funny article. Good use of logic, wit and sarcasm. That trinity is garlic for the cult true believer (cue hissing sound). No wonder you got ol' Jimmy Lightfloss Boy Apologist™ to pop out of the ether to defend Elron's money machine (despite the fact that this article was about a competitor of theirs). (Continued…)
Aleksey Tsalolikhin
posted 6/08/07 @ 10:40 PM EST
The aims of Scientology are a civilization without criminals, insanity and war. Do you really want to get in the way of that? Find out what Scientology really is. (Continued…)
JeraldR
posted 6/15/07 @ 5:35 PM EST
A rebuttal article James? More a letter to the editor than a article. And just what does the link you post have to do with anything? You leave out the fact the link is a scientology link that shows a very edited clip. (Continued…)
Tris Brown
posted 7/16/07 @ 12:23 PM EST
I thought I?d write a reply to your post, I don?t usually do this sort of thing but when someone takes a swipe at my profession it usually catches my attention. (Continued…)
NancyA
posted 7/17/07 @ 1:04 PM EST
Aaron,
Does your criticsm of Alphabiotics stem from the experience of having one or more treatments?
Neal Robert Smookler
posted 7/29/07 @ 9:23 PM EST
It's seems so silly. One simply mentions the word spirituality or higher consciousness and people (Aaron) immediately assume a secret society, cult or worse?
I have been around developmental alphabiotics for a decade and a half and to even suggest that it's a cult is so misguided. (Continued…)
Neal Robert Smookler
posted 8/04/07 @ 4:19 PM EST
As a corollary, I feel the gateway to greater knowledge is through the experience. I think when anything new comes on the scene, especially something that really delivers - yet is so incomprehensibly simple; it tends to meet with resistance. (Continued…)
Dallas
posted 11/09/07 @ 1:26 PM EST
Your article was very entertaining. I actually go see Michael Chrane in Dallas to get realigned whenever my hips or legs get out of balance from exercising or basic everyday wear and tear on the body. (Continued…)
Nancy C.
posted 11/15/07 @ 3:22 PM EST
As someone who has enjoyed alphabiotic alignments from Neal Smookler in Boston for several years, I feel compelled to correct Aaron Sakulich's ridiculous assertion that Alphabiotics is a cult, a religion, or a "creepy way of life". (Continued…)
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