Ask Andy
By: Andy Kabel
Issue date: 6/1/07 Section: Ed-Op
Originally published: 6/1/07 at 3:36 AM EST
Last update: 6/1/07 at 3:36 AM EST
Originally published: 6/1/07 at 3:36 AM EST
Last update: 6/1/07 at 3:36 AM EST
-Andy
I Need Smarts
Andy,
I are not very smart. I try to do well in school - I study for my tests and stuff to make it seem like I'm not as dumb, but it's hard to cover up in the real world. How do you do it?
-Felix
You should follow my lead and drink lots and lots of Diet Coke with Splenda at around 10 o'clock at night. Then, while hopped up on caffeine, refuse sleep and read Wikipedia.
-Andy
Revolving Doors
Andy,
What's the deal with revolving doors?
-Lee
Revolving doors were invented by the film industry in 1943 after they ran out of ways for men and women to awkwardly encounter one another in romantic comedies. Today, they are extinct in the wild.
-Andy
Subway Fears
Andy,
I'm terrified of the subway, but I'm running out of money to spend on cabs. I'd like to get over my fear by the time my co-op in Center City begins this summer. What should I do?
-Grant
I'm wracking my brain, and the only solution I see is for you to drop out of school and go to Home Depot to get some five-gallon buckets to drum on. Problem solved! It's a totally reliable source of income, and no troublesome co-op to worry about. Unless your school offers a co-op in drumming on buckets. In that case, I am out of answers.
-Andy
Bikini
Andy,
Summer's here and I've been waiting all year to show some skin! Problem is, I can't really seem to find the right bikini for my body type. Now, I hear there's a perfect bikini for everyone, so where could I go to get my hands on one?
-Dana
Why leave the house, Dana? Why waste the gas and the time when you can make your own bikini out of your father's hidden stash of drag costumes?
-Andy
Iron Skeptic Guy
Andy,
Why does that guy only write about aliens in the paper? It seems like a waste of space every week.
-Bill
Well Bill, I don't know what to tell you, aside from the fact that YOU'VE BEEN PUNK'D! Seriously though, I don't read the newspaper.
-Andy
Andy Kabel is a sophomore majoring in screenwriting. If you need his advice, send your question to AskAndy@thetriangle.org. Your name will be kept anonymous.
I Need Smarts
Andy,
I are not very smart. I try to do well in school - I study for my tests and stuff to make it seem like I'm not as dumb, but it's hard to cover up in the real world. How do you do it?
-Felix
You should follow my lead and drink lots and lots of Diet Coke with Splenda at around 10 o'clock at night. Then, while hopped up on caffeine, refuse sleep and read Wikipedia.
-Andy
Revolving Doors
Andy,
What's the deal with revolving doors?
-Lee
Revolving doors were invented by the film industry in 1943 after they ran out of ways for men and women to awkwardly encounter one another in romantic comedies. Today, they are extinct in the wild.
-Andy
Subway Fears
Andy,
I'm terrified of the subway, but I'm running out of money to spend on cabs. I'd like to get over my fear by the time my co-op in Center City begins this summer. What should I do?
-Grant
I'm wracking my brain, and the only solution I see is for you to drop out of school and go to Home Depot to get some five-gallon buckets to drum on. Problem solved! It's a totally reliable source of income, and no troublesome co-op to worry about. Unless your school offers a co-op in drumming on buckets. In that case, I am out of answers.
-Andy
Bikini
Andy,
Summer's here and I've been waiting all year to show some skin! Problem is, I can't really seem to find the right bikini for my body type. Now, I hear there's a perfect bikini for everyone, so where could I go to get my hands on one?
-Dana
Why leave the house, Dana? Why waste the gas and the time when you can make your own bikini out of your father's hidden stash of drag costumes?
-Andy
Iron Skeptic Guy
Andy,
Why does that guy only write about aliens in the paper? It seems like a waste of space every week.
-Bill
Well Bill, I don't know what to tell you, aside from the fact that YOU'VE BEEN PUNK'D! Seriously though, I don't read the newspaper.
-Andy
Andy Kabel is a sophomore majoring in screenwriting. If you need his advice, send your question to AskAndy@thetriangle.org. Your name will be kept anonymous.
