Spring Break
Help: Wooing women requires a sexy song title
By: Eamonn Rockwell
Issue date: 5/18/07 Section: Ed-Op
Originally published: 5/18/07 at 3:58 AM EST
Last update: 5/18/07 at 4:18 AM EST
Originally published: 5/18/07 at 3:58 AM EST
Last update: 5/18/07 at 4:18 AM EST
Those of you who read this column, and I am directly referring to the four individuals other than myself who do, know that I am a poor writer both financially and talent-wise.
What you may not know is that I am also a poor guitar player and have been ever since the fourth grade. Though I did the usual high school thing of playing in a rock band, it was made acceptable only by the fact that we didn't do what pretty much every other high school band had done, which is play emo and wear incredibly tight pants. Our blend of psychedelic metal and humor combined with my not-great-but-not-awful singing voice made us well-respected but unheard at whatever high school I attended. To our credit, the drummer of that band is majoring in Jazz and could play pretty much any instrument better than you could.
Even though I was in a band and have played guitar for almost a decade, I'm still a terrible musician. Despite my lack of musical talent, I occasionally feel the overpowering urge to write a song or two. My main song writing partner, the Paul Simon to my Art Garfunkel, is busy attending William and Mary cloning super-soldiers. So I've been left on my own when it comes to writing both music and lyrics.
Having nowhere to turn for musical assistance, I had no choice but to focus inward and teach myself more guitar in the brief periods of time when I actually sit down and try to play. After flipping through a chord book and strumming a few random chords that I would never have otherwise played, I hit one that was soft and beautiful like a pillow in the shape of a swimsuit model. It struck a feeling in me that made me ponder love and its numerous forms - but mostly it just sounded like the type of chord that someone could seduce a woman with.
After adding in a few more chords and some sexually-suggestive lyrics, which will either usher in another baby boom or make women refuse all sex, and some seductive bass lines, I now have a song (including all copyrights that have ever existed ever). This song will be famous one way or another.
What you may not know is that I am also a poor guitar player and have been ever since the fourth grade. Though I did the usual high school thing of playing in a rock band, it was made acceptable only by the fact that we didn't do what pretty much every other high school band had done, which is play emo and wear incredibly tight pants. Our blend of psychedelic metal and humor combined with my not-great-but-not-awful singing voice made us well-respected but unheard at whatever high school I attended. To our credit, the drummer of that band is majoring in Jazz and could play pretty much any instrument better than you could.
Even though I was in a band and have played guitar for almost a decade, I'm still a terrible musician. Despite my lack of musical talent, I occasionally feel the overpowering urge to write a song or two. My main song writing partner, the Paul Simon to my Art Garfunkel, is busy attending William and Mary cloning super-soldiers. So I've been left on my own when it comes to writing both music and lyrics.
Having nowhere to turn for musical assistance, I had no choice but to focus inward and teach myself more guitar in the brief periods of time when I actually sit down and try to play. After flipping through a chord book and strumming a few random chords that I would never have otherwise played, I hit one that was soft and beautiful like a pillow in the shape of a swimsuit model. It struck a feeling in me that made me ponder love and its numerous forms - but mostly it just sounded like the type of chord that someone could seduce a woman with.
After adding in a few more chords and some sexually-suggestive lyrics, which will either usher in another baby boom or make women refuse all sex, and some seductive bass lines, I now have a song (including all copyrights that have ever existed ever). This song will be famous one way or another.
