Spring Break
Meat is the tastiest form of cruelty
By: Eamonn Rockwell
Issue date: 5/4/07 Section: Ed-Op
Originally published: 5/4/07 at 2:58 AM EST
Last update: 5/4/07 at 2:58 AM EST
Originally published: 5/4/07 at 2:58 AM EST
Last update: 5/4/07 at 2:58 AM EST
This past weekend, I spent some time at Oberlin College as a prospective student. Besides the legal emergency that kept me there for two days longer than I had planned and pissed me off more than that time I was tricked into attending a Klan meeting that didn't have tasty refreshments, it was a very enjoyable trip.
The fields were green and actually existed, a refreshing change from the filth-encrusted sidewalks of Philadelphia. The bums had all been secretly rounded up, killed and buried under a pretty vegetable garden where the food was sent to third-world orphans with adorable accents that were missing limbs from stepping on land mines while playing in their childlike way. Nobody tried to kick me in the balls, pepper-spray me or issue a restraining order against me. Indeed, it was a delightful weekend getaway full of whimsy and fire spinning.
But of course, you wouldn't be reading an article this week if I didn't have something ridiculous or pointless to say. Then again, it's not like anybody reads this column anyway unless they're clinically insane or incredibly bored. Check and mate, Rockwell.
After arriving into the confusing Cleveland airport after miraculously getting through the hellish vortex that is Chicago O'Hare (figures an Irishman would build a substandard airport and name it after himself), I arrived at Oberlin hungry like the wolf. Desperate to eat, I ate at a co-op that served delicious food. Despite the tastiness of organic hatred-free bean sprouts grown by Amish monks, I was more in the mood to feast on the carcass of a defeated animal enemy. However, there was not a single drop of meat in the house. The co-op was meat-friendly in the way segregation was separate and equal. Being poor, I had no choice but to eat almost entirely vegan meals for almost a week.
While the food itself was damn good, and I was warmly greeted even though I had been sending nude photos of myself to the admissions board for years, I couldn't help but be unnerved by the lack of meat I was shoving down my food-hole. I have no problems consuming vegetables, but the laws of physics demands that I counterbalance nutritious food with unhealthy food. Not doing so is the equivalent of slapping God in the face with a rolling pin with your hair in curlers while He's trying to sleep on the couch.
The fields were green and actually existed, a refreshing change from the filth-encrusted sidewalks of Philadelphia. The bums had all been secretly rounded up, killed and buried under a pretty vegetable garden where the food was sent to third-world orphans with adorable accents that were missing limbs from stepping on land mines while playing in their childlike way. Nobody tried to kick me in the balls, pepper-spray me or issue a restraining order against me. Indeed, it was a delightful weekend getaway full of whimsy and fire spinning.
But of course, you wouldn't be reading an article this week if I didn't have something ridiculous or pointless to say. Then again, it's not like anybody reads this column anyway unless they're clinically insane or incredibly bored. Check and mate, Rockwell.
After arriving into the confusing Cleveland airport after miraculously getting through the hellish vortex that is Chicago O'Hare (figures an Irishman would build a substandard airport and name it after himself), I arrived at Oberlin hungry like the wolf. Desperate to eat, I ate at a co-op that served delicious food. Despite the tastiness of organic hatred-free bean sprouts grown by Amish monks, I was more in the mood to feast on the carcass of a defeated animal enemy. However, there was not a single drop of meat in the house. The co-op was meat-friendly in the way segregation was separate and equal. Being poor, I had no choice but to eat almost entirely vegan meals for almost a week.
While the food itself was damn good, and I was warmly greeted even though I had been sending nude photos of myself to the admissions board for years, I couldn't help but be unnerved by the lack of meat I was shoving down my food-hole. I have no problems consuming vegetables, but the laws of physics demands that I counterbalance nutritious food with unhealthy food. Not doing so is the equivalent of slapping God in the face with a rolling pin with your hair in curlers while He's trying to sleep on the couch.
