Spring Break
Customer service at Ed's? Try checking the morgue
Eamonn Rockwell
Issue date: 3/9/07 Section: Ed-Op
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If someone were rude to you, your typical natural reaction would be to punch them in the face. While we restrain ourselves because we live in a society of laws, there are rare occasions when those who cannot restrain themselves shock everyone around them like a downed power line at the local swimming pool. But when someone is in a position of service, do they automatically forgo that right in order to adhere to King Solomon's oldest law: The customer is always right? When someone is waiting too long for food and yells at the person behind the register, does the register-operator have the right to yell back? Most of us would say, "Yes, of course. What kind of stupid question is that?" But there is a growing contingency of people who feel that those in the service industry must keep their cool no matter what and help the customer until the end of time. Subsequently, those forced to remain calm are praying for the end of time, as Meatloaf so eloquently put it those many years ago.
The reason I am writing something about customer service while not taking the side of the person behind the counter is that I recently had a revelation while witnessing a confrontation at Ed's Pizza. Now, there is no doubt in anyone's mind that the service at Ed's, to use a journalistic term, sucks. This was not unknown to me, as I once had to wait almost twenty minutes for a slice of pizza when my blood sugar was dangerously low. This wouldn't have been a problem if they handmade the slice the way mama used to do, but I'm pretty sure that they simply keep slices of pizza under a hot light for hours upon end. But to get back on point, I was waiting for my pizza and wings combo deal when a young drunk who ordered about ten minutes before I did began arguing with a porpoise behind the counter. On second inspection, it turned out to be a woman, but I have horrible vision without my glasses, so I hope this individual does not hold my mistake against me if they read this sentence. The young man was very angry about the fact that he had ordered two slices and he had not received them ten minutes after they were ordered. But instead of handling the incident in a calm and orderly fashion that would have made the business look good, the woman that I initially mistook for a manatee that was presumed to have been hunted to extinction proceeded to yell right back at him and repeat, "Get yer drunk ass outta here!" over and over again. Her message did not vary by one word and she did appear to take a single breath between shouts. After about five minutes of witnessing this battle of the titans, the drunk finally received his two slices, loudly complained about the lack of customer service, and stormed out of Ed's with rage in his heart.
The reason I am writing something about customer service while not taking the side of the person behind the counter is that I recently had a revelation while witnessing a confrontation at Ed's Pizza. Now, there is no doubt in anyone's mind that the service at Ed's, to use a journalistic term, sucks. This was not unknown to me, as I once had to wait almost twenty minutes for a slice of pizza when my blood sugar was dangerously low. This wouldn't have been a problem if they handmade the slice the way mama used to do, but I'm pretty sure that they simply keep slices of pizza under a hot light for hours upon end. But to get back on point, I was waiting for my pizza and wings combo deal when a young drunk who ordered about ten minutes before I did began arguing with a porpoise behind the counter. On second inspection, it turned out to be a woman, but I have horrible vision without my glasses, so I hope this individual does not hold my mistake against me if they read this sentence. The young man was very angry about the fact that he had ordered two slices and he had not received them ten minutes after they were ordered. But instead of handling the incident in a calm and orderly fashion that would have made the business look good, the woman that I initially mistook for a manatee that was presumed to have been hunted to extinction proceeded to yell right back at him and repeat, "Get yer drunk ass outta here!" over and over again. Her message did not vary by one word and she did appear to take a single breath between shouts. After about five minutes of witnessing this battle of the titans, the drunk finally received his two slices, loudly complained about the lack of customer service, and stormed out of Ed's with rage in his heart.
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