Spring Break
The Yowie: Australian for 'unlikely'
By: Aaron Sakulich
Issue date: 3/2/07 Section: Ed-Op
Originally published: 3/2/07 at 10:23 AM EST
Last update: 3/2/07 at 10:23 AM EST
Originally published: 3/2/07 at 10:23 AM EST
Last update: 3/2/07 at 10:23 AM EST
Hardly a week goes by without my being totally stultified by some new zoological discovery. A few weeks ago, researchers discovered a breeding ground for giant squid, which means that they're about a million times braver than I am. If I were in a submarine and I saw even a single giant squid, I would turn around and, in a word, flee. Especially if I were faced with a monstrosity recently mentioned on the BBC: a squid that emits a bright flash of light from its tentacles in order to confuse prey. Sadly, I have yet to hear any new news on an Australian creature known as the Yowie.
The Yowie is a creature not unlike our North American Bigfoot: between five and eight feet tall, covered with long, dirty hair, and although many people who "spot" the creature first think it to be a monkey, it has distinctly, unmistakably human features. Calling it similar to Bigfoot is somewhat an act of charity; it has more in common with the Puerto Rican Chupacabra. That's sort of a negative thing; what I mean is that nobody can agree on what it looks like. Ranging from five to eight feet tall, it may or may not have glowing eyes of a range of colors, it has been reported with dark or light brown hair, and between three and five fingers (or claws) on the hands and feet. It is sometimes described as peaceful, sometimes as extraordinarily violent, may or may not be associated with a horrible smell, so on and so forth. Not only that, but there are also reports of Yowies that are much shorter, around three feet, though the Aboriginal peoples of Australia insist that these are not just young Yowies, but rather a separate breed entirely that they call Jujudees.
Is it possible that such a creature exists? Australia has a lot of unexplored areas in which plenty of nightmare creatures could conceal themselves. To answer this question, we have to draw a distinction between the regular, flesh-and-blood Yowie and what we might as well call the psychic space Yowie.
Like the Chupacabra, no one can agree on the Yowie's origins. Some claim that it is just a large, unpleasant animal, like the giant squid, that we've not yet discovered. Others, however, claim either that the Yowie is from outer space or that it has some sort of psychic ghost powers.
The Yowie is a creature not unlike our North American Bigfoot: between five and eight feet tall, covered with long, dirty hair, and although many people who "spot" the creature first think it to be a monkey, it has distinctly, unmistakably human features. Calling it similar to Bigfoot is somewhat an act of charity; it has more in common with the Puerto Rican Chupacabra. That's sort of a negative thing; what I mean is that nobody can agree on what it looks like. Ranging from five to eight feet tall, it may or may not have glowing eyes of a range of colors, it has been reported with dark or light brown hair, and between three and five fingers (or claws) on the hands and feet. It is sometimes described as peaceful, sometimes as extraordinarily violent, may or may not be associated with a horrible smell, so on and so forth. Not only that, but there are also reports of Yowies that are much shorter, around three feet, though the Aboriginal peoples of Australia insist that these are not just young Yowies, but rather a separate breed entirely that they call Jujudees.
Is it possible that such a creature exists? Australia has a lot of unexplored areas in which plenty of nightmare creatures could conceal themselves. To answer this question, we have to draw a distinction between the regular, flesh-and-blood Yowie and what we might as well call the psychic space Yowie.
Like the Chupacabra, no one can agree on the Yowie's origins. Some claim that it is just a large, unpleasant animal, like the giant squid, that we've not yet discovered. Others, however, claim either that the Yowie is from outer space or that it has some sort of psychic ghost powers.
Ian Westray
posted 3/03/07 @ 7:29 AM EST
"Stultify": cause to lose enthusiasm and initiative, esp. as a result of a tedious or restritive routine.
"Stupefy": astonish and shock.