The Triangle

Issue date: 10/15/04 Section: Sci-Tech

Media Credit: The Triangle [Click to enlarge]

The paranormal, specifically the UFO phenomenon, is a subject that scientists must acknowledge as being of particular interest to their fields. This is mainly a question of defense: A lot of UFO reports are hoaxes, misidentifications, or some other easily explainable problem. The public, however, has a considerable interest in the subject, and if scientists do not debunk and demystify the bumper crop of hogwash related to this subject, they may find the line between science and fantasy irreparably blurred. Even these seemingly useless hoaxes, tricks, and mass hysterias can yield valuable data for scientists in the fields of psychology and sociology.

Some things, such as "lights in the sky" may also have a value to physicists, meteorologists, and other 'hard' scientists. One thing associated with UFOs that will never, ever, give up any hard scientific data is the phenomena of the so-called "Men In Black."

Basically, it goes like this: If you see a UFO and talk about it, eventually some men wearing dark suits, perhaps acting oddly, will call on you and threaten that you'd better stay quiet. Some believe these men to be government agents, some to be harmless cranks, and some to be alien visitors or travelers from other dimensions.

Other than incredible stories, there is no hard evidence to show that these men are anything other than regular flesh-and-blood human beings. I'm sure that disappoints all the computer scientists itching to get their hands on a remote-controlled robot built from alien technology, but it should delight scientists working on the mind: Stories of Men In Black can surely point you to some interesting case studies in mental disorders.

Men In Black encounters fall into basically four categories. The first doesn't involve actual contact. Threatening phone calls, letters, faxes, or e-mails that warn a person not to go public about their UFO encounter. There is no proof that these are anything other than misguided pranks or regular people that want to suppress a story for some reason.

The second category involves Men In Black meeting a person face-to face, but acting like regular people. In these cases, there is nothing to suggest anything more fantastic than some person, fashionably attired, is trying to keep a witness from going public. In some cases, they con the witnesses into giving up rolls of film, physical evidence, or other "proof." Some stories of these encounters are surely to prop up hoaxes ("Of course I don't have proof, I gave it to that man I can't prove exists!"), or are actually benign encounters, be it from actual UFO investigators, government agents, or curious parties. Sometimes the Men In Black threaten the witness if they don't stay quiet, but these threats are never carried out. Other intimidation tactics, such as a large, dark car carrying Men In Black driving slowly past a witness's house late at night, are occasionally used.

The third category is when the Men In Black show up and they act really weird. In one case, a Man In Black claimed to have a stomachache and, not quite understanding a woman's advice for a home remedy, took a bowl of jelly and drank it like soup. In many cases, the Men In Black move stiffly and talk with stilted, robotic voices. In some cases they're missing unimportant body parts, such as eyebrows, fingernails, or lips.

Media Credit: Jim Templeton When Jim Templeton took this photo, there was nothing odd. Upon development the ´spaceman´ appeared. It earned him a visit from two ´Men In Black ´ who escorted him to the scene of the photo, and then drove off. Surely, they were aliens!

Sometimes they're either too tan or too pale, or have oddly colored hair or eyes. In many cases they speak with odd accents, use archaic terminology or the wrong words, or are dressed in fashions that are decades out of date. I admit that, if these stories are true, the men in them are acting pretty weird, but it's not anything that a person with a little bit of acting, a little bit of sleight-of-hand, and a little bit of makeup can't do with ease. If you suck down a bowl of jelly like soup, chances are you're just a nut, not a spaceman.

The fourth category involves Men In Black that don't just act weird, but act impossibly weird. In one case (so the story goes, anyway) a car carrying two Men In Black that had been harassing a man simply vanished into thin air when police approached it. In one, objects passed through the Men in Black as though they were holograms. In some cases, they have psychic abilities, move instantly from one place to the next, or put people into a hypnotic trance using only their eyes.

In the first and second categories, it's safe to say that the only possibilities are that the witness is either making the whole thing up or that the Men In Black that visited them are just regular people. Sure, they may try to steal from the witnesses, they may threaten them, and they may act like jerks, but that's not something unheard of in the course of human history.

In the third and forth categories, it becomes more and more likely that there are some serious mental disorders at play. Either the witnesses are flat-out making the stories up, are exaggerating details that seem sinister only if you assume the Men In Black are not human beings, or the witnesses are on the receiving end of an elaborate prank being perpetrated by some very disturbed people.

In fact, a portion of those that study UFOs, "Ufologists" if you will, claim that these Men In Black act weird on purpose. They pretend to be robots, pretend to be unfamiliar with basic things all people recognize, or pretend to be more than human for a specific reason. Usually that reason is because they are government agents trying to discredit the witness; they know that if the witness gives an accurate account of their weird behavior, people will think them crazy, thus protecting the government's top-secret something-or-other that the witness saw hovering in the skies.

With this in mind, I ask you which is more likely: A handful of mentally disturbed individuals fabricate incredible encounters with the agents of visitors from another planet, or the government is engaged in a wide-scale conspiracy to shut up people by sending secret agents pretending to be robots to talk to them?

In one case, a man named Craig Weitzel saw a grounded "UFO" with a "spaceman" in a "silver suit" nearby, so he took a picture of it. Then, a very angry Man In Black came to his home and took his camera and film. Weitzel reported this to many UFO groups, who were very interested. The catch is that Weitzel was in the Air Force, and all this occurred at Kirkland Air Force Base's Manzano weapons site. I'm sure that, in this one instance, the Man In Black was a regular, human government agent, and I wouldn't have blamed him for roughing that dumbass Weitzel up a little.

The fact that the Men In Black act weird, but inconsistently weird, seems to me to be a major clue. The Men In Black that seem to be robots rarely do it in the same way: Sometimes they talk in stilted monotone; sometimes they walk without moving their knees or elbows; in one case the Man In Black's voice slowed down like a cassette tape and he claimed his "energy was getting low"; In another case, a Man In Black's pants rode up just enough to make a wire going from his sock into his skin below the knee visible.

These are all easily done (the first ones by acting, the last with a wire and a bit of superglue.) If they were actually all robots, it makes sense that they would all show the same irregularities.

It doesn't make sense that if aliens were able to build a sophisticated moving robot in a human form, they'd leave off such simple trivia as fingernails, lips, and eyebrows. But it's very easy for a person with a little bit of free time and some makeup to make it look like they don't have them. Men In Black are as human as you or I, when they exist at all. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that some UFO sightings, specifically ones that spot "lights in the sky" and not "big metal spacecraft" have scientific merit and ought to be investigated.

The phenomena of Men In Black has two scientific values: Debunking cases will counteract the blending of science and new-age hocus pocus, and investigating claims will eventually expose derangements and psychoses sufficient to write a thousand textbooks on abnormal psychology.



Aaron Sakulich is a senior majoring in material science and engineering.

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