Suicide Girls show not worth killing for
By: Aaron Sakulich
Issue date: 6/25/04 Section: Entertainment
Originally published: 6/23/04 at 6:51 PM EST
Last update: 6/23/04 at 6:52 PM EST
Originally published: 6/23/04 at 6:51 PM EST
Last update: 6/23/04 at 6:52 PM EST
Also, if you're an obese old man sitting next to me on the balcony, do not for any reason ever, ever, take your shoes off. For the younger crowd, no matter how much you "love" your significant other, directly in front of me is not the place for you two to be making out. In fact, if you're within the circle I can observe by spinning 360 degrees around, keep your hands off of each other. You either disgust those around you or remind us of our own painful, pitiful loneliness.
Enough about the audience. The opening act was, as far as I can tell, called Glue From Florida. However, if you've ever met me, you know I have the tiny ears of a prepubescent dwarf, so that might not be accurate. It's hard to tell. It's even harder to tell if they were any good, since the lead singer spent most of his time flirting with the fat punk rock guy in a skirt. Even if they were good, I don't care, because although my dreams of a good meal were shattered by learning "burlesque" is not synonymous with "buffet," I was very much interested in seeing the hot naked chicks.
The second band, Sluts of Trust, was a drummer and a Scottish guy. They were actually pretty good, although in the same vein as the first were not what I was there to see. Between songs the singer would harangue us about our yarbles, our haggis, and our wankers, and the high point of the night was probably when he spotted the jerk in the skirt and frowned, so very, very sadly.
By my calculations I had been at the Trocadero for approximately 65 hours before the actual Burlesque show started. I've always heard that the Suicide Girls are hot.
To illustrate, I've heard that if you were to stuff me into a blast furnace, fill it with white phosphorous grenades, set them off and turn on the furnace, and then bury the whole thing in the molten core of the sun, I would still be significantly less hot than the Suicide Girls, even if we did it in the middle of August. The show started off well enough. Three girls, some leather clothing, tiny little Xs made of electrical tape and a few props is a combination it's hard to miss with. My favorite part was when the second girl stripped while using a hula hoop, and despite several advanced physics courses, I'm still not sure if what I saw was physically possible, what with gravity and air resistance and all. Physically possible or not, it was still freaking sweet. I dare say it may have been the greatest thing I have ever seen in my entire life.
Enough about the audience. The opening act was, as far as I can tell, called Glue From Florida. However, if you've ever met me, you know I have the tiny ears of a prepubescent dwarf, so that might not be accurate. It's hard to tell. It's even harder to tell if they were any good, since the lead singer spent most of his time flirting with the fat punk rock guy in a skirt. Even if they were good, I don't care, because although my dreams of a good meal were shattered by learning "burlesque" is not synonymous with "buffet," I was very much interested in seeing the hot naked chicks.
The second band, Sluts of Trust, was a drummer and a Scottish guy. They were actually pretty good, although in the same vein as the first were not what I was there to see. Between songs the singer would harangue us about our yarbles, our haggis, and our wankers, and the high point of the night was probably when he spotted the jerk in the skirt and frowned, so very, very sadly.
By my calculations I had been at the Trocadero for approximately 65 hours before the actual Burlesque show started. I've always heard that the Suicide Girls are hot.
To illustrate, I've heard that if you were to stuff me into a blast furnace, fill it with white phosphorous grenades, set them off and turn on the furnace, and then bury the whole thing in the molten core of the sun, I would still be significantly less hot than the Suicide Girls, even if we did it in the middle of August. The show started off well enough. Three girls, some leather clothing, tiny little Xs made of electrical tape and a few props is a combination it's hard to miss with. My favorite part was when the second girl stripped while using a hula hoop, and despite several advanced physics courses, I'm still not sure if what I saw was physically possible, what with gravity and air resistance and all. Physically possible or not, it was still freaking sweet. I dare say it may have been the greatest thing I have ever seen in my entire life.
Erin
posted 10/28/06 @ 12:48 PM EST
Thanks for the review! I was considering going to the show, but now I know it would be a waste of my time!