War should be far less than laughing matter
Chris Thomas
Issue date: 5/21/04 Section: Ed-Op
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From "I Declare War," the famous time-killing card game, to "Risk," a board game centered around world domination, our society is centered on combat. Founded in the ashes of the American Revolution, even one American leisure of choice, football, is founded on the basis of opposition, a "war in the trenches" to determine a victor.
"In football, the object is for the quarterback, also known as the field general, to be on target with his aerial assault, riddling the defense by hitting his receivers with deadly accuracy in spite of the blitz, even if he has to use shotgun. With short bullet passes and long bombs, he marches his troops into enemy territory, balancing this aerial assault with a sustained ground attack that punches holes in the forward wall of the enemy's defensive line." -George Carlin, "Baseball & Football."
Even the collegiate ranks, in which the competition is much more disparate, "troopers" are very adamant about their craft, especially after a loss that snaps one team's 26-game home winning streak, as if they were shelled with heavy artillery and rammed by a tank.
"It's war; they're out there to kill you, so I'm out there to kill them. We don't care about anybody but this U. They are going after my legs. I'm going to come right back at them. I'm a fucking soldier." -former University of Miami tight end Kellen Winslow, Nov. 8, 2003.
This virus of a correlation has popped up again in sporting news, because the war in Iraq, of course, means nothing in comparison to game seven of the NBA's Western Conference Finals.
"It's game seven, man. That's it. It's for all the marbles. Sitting in the house, I'm loadin' up the pump. I'm loadin' up the Uzi. I got a couple M-16s, a couple nines. I got a couple joints with some silencers on them. I'm just loading clips, a couple grenades. I got a missile launcher with a couple of missiles. I'm ready for war." -Kevin Garnett, Minnesota Timberwolves.
Baghdad and Kabul move over, I need some analysis from John Saunders and Bill Walton. While I face the arduous head-to-head combat of baseball or Uno, men are dying overseas on behalf of this country. I'm not a war advocate, and there are moments when I try my best to shy away from politics, but my parents taught better than to refer to the grind of each production night here at The Triangle as a "war against the clock" to finish the paper before sunrise.
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