Mario demands harassment stops
Mario the Magnificent
Issue date: 4/2/04 Section: Ed-Op
I am dismayed at the disrespect and utter humiliation that I am subjected to at the hands of Drexel students. In countless commentaries and letters to the editor, I am denounced in every way possible, with terms ranging from "monstrosity" to "ridiculous." I will have none of it. I would like to let you all know that, at $700,000, I am worth more than any of you sorry losers. If you sell yourselves, your family and all your earthly properties, you might be able to scrounge up enough money to be worth as much as me.
Who among you can have the title of "Magnificent" come after your name? No, I didn't think there would be any. Oh, and I haven't seen any statues of any of you around Drexel's campus. OK, I admit, it is Drexel's campus, so getting a statue here is nothing great, but even then, none of you pathetic losers could manage to get your statue erected even on Drexel's campus. How pathetic are you?
Oh yeah, and let's not forget that I have all the sports teams of a major, er, a university named after me, the Dragons! Sure, most of the sports programs bearing my name have been cut already or will be cut sometime in the near future. Even so, can any of you claim to be the mascot of any university sports team even for a short existence?
So next time you think about badmouthing me, think again. Know that every time you get shafted and every time you sign that credit card payment slip signing over your soul to the University in the form of tuition, all that money is going to go toward building more statues like me. I think that the latest plan is to install a mini-sculpture of myself in every student's dorm room. Of course, the students would pay for it.
Who among you can have the title of "Magnificent" come after your name? No, I didn't think there would be any. Oh, and I haven't seen any statues of any of you around Drexel's campus. OK, I admit, it is Drexel's campus, so getting a statue here is nothing great, but even then, none of you pathetic losers could manage to get your statue erected even on Drexel's campus. How pathetic are you?
Oh yeah, and let's not forget that I have all the sports teams of a major, er, a university named after me, the Dragons! Sure, most of the sports programs bearing my name have been cut already or will be cut sometime in the near future. Even so, can any of you claim to be the mascot of any university sports team even for a short existence?
So next time you think about badmouthing me, think again. Know that every time you get shafted and every time you sign that credit card payment slip signing over your soul to the University in the form of tuition, all that money is going to go toward building more statues like me. I think that the latest plan is to install a mini-sculpture of myself in every student's dorm room. Of course, the students would pay for it.
